Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
