You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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