batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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