I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
