youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
