Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
