i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
