he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my being single is dangerous.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
