well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
