What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
