ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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