Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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