you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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