you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
