You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize