I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
