New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
