There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize