I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
