just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
