I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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