I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
