What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
