So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
