When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
