I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
