I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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