I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
