You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
