i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
