I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
