I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
