My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
