singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I DEMAND FORESKIN
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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