I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
