Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
