can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize