Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
