She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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