Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
