Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
