Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
where are my eyebrows?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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