they need to just BURY HIM!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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