OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
