mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
