I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
