True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
