people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
