so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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