This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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