I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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