I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
