Do you still have your period?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
