plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
