this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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