Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
