WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
two words: eviction party
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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