So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
