READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
