i just had sex bonerless
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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