Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize