I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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