I wanna passion pit in your ass
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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