I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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