Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
