I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
