I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Please don't give away my fajitas
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