It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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