Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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