it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
