i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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