Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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