I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
