U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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