Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
