Everything about him screamed your future.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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