I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
