I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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