her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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