Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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