I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
