I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
