I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
