If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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