Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
