I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize