What a fucking waste of an outfit
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
