The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My dick has a subreddit
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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