I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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