Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
