dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
