dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
