Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
