Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Randomize