all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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