It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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