I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
