$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
