just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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