You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She yelled “outlaw country†right before we heard the police siren
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