The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
